Mental illness: Finding a way out of the darkness

<!–Saxotech Paragraph Count: 22
–>

“That was probably the hardest time for me,” Randy says with tears in his eyes.

The bullet had nicked Barker’s heart and it was only through immediate surgery that he survived.

Barker says the suicide attempt was not necessarily because he was miserable and depressed, rather he says he felt, at the time, that he’d done enough in his life and he was interested to see what was next.

“There’s a certain rationality in that thinking from a religious sense,” Randy says, though they all acknowledge it was Barker’s mental illness that led him to think that way.

“Depression is an amazing thing. I can’t imagine the toll it takes on someone,” Marti says.

Compounding problems

Gary Ballard knows the toll of depression.

“It’s debilitating,” Ballard says of his deep depression followed by over-the-top angry episodes that were “not enjoyable for myself or anyone else involved.”

“I’d just get to where I couldn’t function,” he says.

After years of compounding his problem by turning to alcohol and drugs, Ballard eventually met his wife, Michele, and together they’ve been clean from illicit substances for eight years.

“I’ve destroyed relationships in my family that have taken years to rebuild,” Gary says.

Although he’s never intentionally tried to take his own life, he has overdosed on drugs a couple of times and Michele says at times he’s talked about suicide.

Managing the illnesses

For now Braegger, Gary and Barker are on what they say is a more stable road. They are each being treated for their conditions with a combination of medication and therapy, which makes living another day a brighter reality.

“I’m everything I need to be as long as I’m on my medications,” Gary says.

They are all aware of the negative stigma often associated with mental illness, and hope with more education and awareness people will not define them by their diagnoses.

“Even though I have this mental illness I can hold my head high. I’m proud of who I am,” Gary says. “Even though I am afflicted, I’m not thwarted.”

Looking at his stepson seated on the couch next to Marti, Randy praises Barker for his loyalty, generosity and for being a good employee.

“People tend to define him by his disease rather than his other characteristics,” Randy says.

“He’s a marvelous brother, son and friend,” Marti says.

For Barker, telling people about his disease is uncomfortable because of the negative impression it gives.

“I like other stuff in the world besides my disease,” Barker says. “After all I’ve been through that is sort of anti-life, I still enjoy life.

“I’ve found a way out of this, or around this, and other people can too.”

For Braegger the way around it is to take it take things one day at a time.